How to have the money talk with your partner?

Personal finance is a challenging topic. It could be hard to discuss your money philosophy with another person even with your romantic partner. Everyone sees money from a different perspective because we come from diverse upbringings. There are so many factors that affect the way we interact with money and that could lead to friction in a relationship.

According to a Ramsey Solutions study, “money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity.” This is understandable given the level of anxiety and stresses the lack of money can cause in a marriage.

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What is the best way to handle the money talk with your partner

A clean line of communication between partners is a great start. Talking about each other money philosophy is crucial. That will give you a good understanding of what to expect from each other.

How should you start the conversation?

It all depends on when and how you want to handle it, but you can start with basic questions such as, are you contributing to a 401(k)? How do you feel about debt? Questions like that open the door for a deeper conversation regarding this topic and help you discuss each other financial priorities.

What if his/her financial priority doesn’t match yours?

Here is when friction can happen, but it doesn’t have to. Keep a good attitude, understanding, and openness to compromise.

Here are some suggestions of what to do!

Choose the correct time

Select the correct time to talk with your partner. If your partner has just come from work and he/she is tired, maybe this is not the correct time to talk about such a complex topic.

Consider choosing a time when both of you are relaxed and in a good mood. That will set the foundation for a good conversation. Use this time and conversation to dream about the future. Perhaps, you are planning on buying a house. As you plan your budget and goal, discuss how great it will feel to own a house together.

Be open-minded

We all come from different cultures and financial environments, so we perceive things differently. Show your partner empathy and allow them to express how they feel about a specific situation and work around that. Your partner should do the same with you! Be patient and honor your partner’s emotions. Let them know that you hear them and care how they feel. When talking about your money goal, consider your partner’s perspective and consolidate your finances together.

Be open to negotiation and compromise.

You may disagree with a certain financial approach to a situation at times. Ensure that you communicate assertively to show respect for yourself and your partner, as well as to set financial boundaries that may include your children and other family members.

If you can not get to an agreement on how to manage your finance, consider involving a financial planner or advisor. They can serve as mediators which can be very helpful at times. You can also ask your church’s pastor for help if necessary.

We all tend to have different financial styles and it can be difficult to get into an agreement with our partner, so it ok to ask for help. What is most important is that you establish a system of communication where you feel there is transparency and trust.

Break down the conversation into manageable segments.

Talking about finance for a long time can be overwhelming and lead to arguments and hostility. You can break down the topic where one day you may talk about budget and the next day about retirement and so on. That’s easier than just talking about everything at once.